"if you're polite, you won't find out exactly what this shirt says"

seth's t-shirt suggestion

Poland? Russia? Germany?

A man on the street decides to guess where I'm from.

Half of them play D&D, half of them watch Star Trek (and own a uniform), half of them are home schooled.

Cy's unofficial survey of the Contra Dancers.

it's a skin product for people who are just dying to buy a skin product but have no obvious problems with their skin?

Seth questions the headline: "too old for acne but too young for wrinkles"

Smoking weed is not the answer. But neither is not recycling. Why isn't there an in between?

Why are all potential roommates who are interested in sustainability also interested in "dumpstered food" and gender bending?

garbage don't swim upstream

We thought we were watching a 5 gallon bucket swash along the Hudson, til the crazy yet clearly wiser man insisted it was a jellyfish, as it was going against the tide.

You probably shouldn't celebrate your mother since she clearly didn't raise you right.

Rachel does not accept "it's Mothers Day" as an excuse for high volume music on a Saturday afternoon.

The way to a man's heart is through his keyboard, right?

So I'm trying to impress this awesome boy. It's possible I have the wrong approach.

how happy not to live in his brain

When Ty thinks of moomoos, he thinks of this (note: not a moomoo)

because we all want a live feed of my ichats

l: yeah so, do you want to marry my brother?
let's get back to the point
j: only if he rap battles me in arabic
l: when you see him, do you picture him green and covered in blood?
j: yes. always.
and growling, "raw, diggy diggy"
l: why that part?
j: isn't that what you do at gwar?

because that's how i'll get my million dollar settlement

l: our dads can have lawyer fights
j: ha
you know how they have those rap battles and catwalk battles
i wish there was some sort of lawyer-off
l: our dads would do that?
j: i guess that's called court

Maybe just as brilliant is that Amy is a water bottle and I am a kitty.

I wish my bed had a built-in toothbrush.

when i'm tired i get extra lazy.

cookies always taste better when they're baked with the flames of burning currency

Jeff agrees that as part of my efforts to become a Mark Cuban-esque team owner, I should have wrapped his Cookie Dough Sport Gatorade in $100 bills lit on fire.

I felt like I was talking to MYSELF.

Jared, the recent college grad I'm training, explaining his frustration talking with a clueless publisher.